


12x23 Coda

by sydkn3e



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Castiel, Intimacy, M/M, Smut, Top Dean, sex as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 17:37:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11468406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydkn3e/pseuds/sydkn3e
Summary: Just a little something that came to me and wouldn't leave until I jotted it down.





	12x23 Coda

"I thought you were dead."

Dean speaks softly, but with weight, as he pulls at the sleeves of the battered trench, forcing it off the angel's shoulders.

"I was."

Dean cocks his head to the side, tonguing the inside of his cheek. Castiel stands stoic as always as Dean's fingers play deftly over the front of his shirt, undoing the buttons one by one.

"I know..." Dean starts, then plants a lingering, hard kiss on Cas's lips. Cas barely responds, just watching the hunter warily. "..but I thought.."

He trails off, giving his head a firm shake before clearing his throat.

"Doesn't matter now."

Castiel furrows his brow.

"You thought it was going to stick."

Dean hesitates on the last button, then pops it open with a humorless laugh, nodding.

"Yeah."

"Well," Cas says in his gravely tone, "it didn't."

"Doesn't change the fact that I had to watch you die, Cas. Again."

Cas stands shirtless now, and Dean moves to his pants without missing a beat.

"I'm sorry, Dean." Cas is sincere, and Dean falters.

He wants to make a joke, or yell at Cas for fucking apologizing for his death. But something inside Dean needs to hear it, because it means Cas never truly wanted to leave him. Cas has always been the one person who stayed through everything. That Dean knew would never leave.

And hours ago, Dean knelt over his lifeless body, the finality of wings scorched into the earth. And he held his unmoving hand, and he kissed his cold lips, and he prayed. _God_ , he prayed.

And no one heard him. He could tell.

He shakes his head again, willing his thoughts to disappear in a metaphorical puff of smoke.

"I wish I could say it's okay, but..." Dean fumbles with Cas's belt, "..it's not."

"I understand."

They are quiet again as Dean slowly works Cas's pants and boxers down to his ankles and gently pulls them off, discarding them on the floor beside them. He stands, running his hands roughly up Cas's calves, then his thighs, then his hips.

"Cas." He whispers, for no reason in particular, not looking him in the eye.

Cas places a hand tentatively on Dean's neck, running a thumb along his jawline.

"I know, Dean."

Dean leans into the touch momentarily, slightly, before pulling away and shucking his own shirt. The room is shrouded in silence as he unbuckles his pants and pushes them off as well. He moves his hands back to Cas's hips, pushing slightly as he molds their bodies together, and they sink slowly onto the bed together.

Dean starts at his neck, planting languid kisses down his neck, to his collarbone, and slowly working his way down. The only sound in the room is lips on skin..kissing, sucking, rough stubble scratching along places that were once littered with wounds. All gone now, Cas's skin such a blank canvas that Dean was sure he could've imagined them if he hadn't seen them with his own eyes.

Dean stops suddenly, lowering his forehead to Cas's abdomen.

"Cas, I..." his voice breaks. There are so many things he wants to say, but he can't. He needs closeness, he needs intimacy. He wants to feel Cas around him, tugging him closer, swallowing up his cries with sloppy kisses and whispers of reassurance.

"You need me. This." Cas says softly, emotionless.

"Y-yes."

Cas holds his face and pulls him up his body, planting a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Dean, you have me." He shakes his head incredulously. "You've always had me."

And so Dean takes him, kissing him feverishly, desperately. He's unrelenting, he's forceful, and Cas can feel bruises forming from his assault on his neck and chest. He allows Dean to continue, taking every bit of him that he wants, because he needs it, and because he deserves it. With them, sex is not usually something done just for the fun of it. Sex is for the connection, and for the peace and intimacy that Dean so desperately needs. When Dean is like this, sex is a comfort, and Cas is a willing participant.

When Dean finally presses a finger inside him, Cas arches off the bed, hissing through his teeth. Dean swallows him down with fervor, pressing him down to the back of his throat, choking with every dip of his head. He moves a finger in time with the bobbing of his head, and Cas watches as tears spring to his eyes as he pushes Cas's cock deeper into his throat.

He finally pulls off and takes a dramatic breath, coughing before planting hard kisses on the insides of Cas's thighs. Without warning, he lines himself up at Cas's entrance and pushes inside.

Cas curses loudly, the intrusion raw and uncomfortable, but Dean buries himself to the hilt and partially collapses on Cas, breathing hard and halfway sobbing, and all Cas can do is hold him.

"Cas.." Dean whimpers, and Cas feels his shoulders shake with a quiet sob. He lifts up slowly and raises a hand to Cas's face, touching his fingertips to his forehead, his cheek, his lips. His eyes are wide and shining with unshed tears, and his lip trembles slightly. He looks over Cas's features, marvels at his warmth, and the fact that Cas is breathing, and his lips are kiss-swollen, and his eyes are fucking blue as they've ever been.

"I'm here, Dean." Cas assures him, and he nods marginally, and he places a hand on Dean's right shoulder, giving it an almost unnoticeable squeeze.

And so Dean picks up a rough pace, thrusting into Cas with all of his strength, throwing his weight into every snap of his hips. Cas pulls him deep, clutching him to his chest, allowing himself to be rocked with each brutal thrust.

" _Never...leave...me...again..._ " Dean pants, the tears in his eyes finally spilling over onto Cas's chest.

"I promise, Dean."

" _I...fuck._ " Dean's voice breaks again, and he thrusts somehow harder, causing Cas to groan loudly, letting his head fall back onto the pillow. " _I can't lose you again._ " Thrust. " _I can't._ " Thrust. " _I won't._ "

" _Dean._ " Cas clutches at Dean's wrists, overpowering him, pulling him up to look him in the eyes. Dean stops moving and watches Cas through thick eyelashes, newly welled tears threatening to spill. "I am always going to find my way back. Back here. Back to you."

Dean looks unsure, his eyes flitting from side to side, reading Cas's face.

Cas gives another subtle nod. "I promise."

When Cas lets him go, Dean plasters them together once more, resuming his pace.

They remain that way for several minutes, the only sounds in the room wet slapping of skin laced with sweat, groans, whimpers, and Dean whispering Cas's name, tumbling from his mouth like a prayer.

They come at the same time, Dean filling Cas, marking him, and Cas comes with his cock trapped between the two of them. They lay like that for some time, breathing hard into each other, Cas occasionally pressing his lips to the top of Dean's head.

When Dean finally nestles in beside him, he looks peaceful, but his hands never leave Cas's torso, as if making sure that he's not imagining him. He's not willing to risk what would happen if he lets go. He needs time. Time to regain faith, time to heal from the betrayal of having it, and still losing one of the few people who mean anything to him. Cas will give him that. He'll give him time, and he'll give him his body, and he'll lay in this bed with Dean until he stops shaking with fear of the unknown.

But there's something else. He senses it. He feels it in every pore of his body, pulling him somehow closer to the hunter, willing him to know what's never been said. What's never needed to be said.

"Dean." Cas whispers once more, softly against the brown hair pressed to his lips.

Dean hums.

"You can tell me. It won't change anything."

Dean tenses briefly, but suddenly the words are there, he can taste them on his tongue, and he allows them to roll off as Cas pulls him still tighter to his body.

"I love you, Cas."


End file.
